lizfu: (Sammy acknowledges your pain)
Long preface is long )

Anyhow, on to the point of this post. Back in July, I was finally able to open up to my sister about being both gay and asexual. I tried my best to explain just what asexuality entailed for me, and I like to think that she got the general idea. Today, I got a message from her on Facebook:


    Oh, and I want you to know that I've been doing research on asexuality. Bravo for being brave.


I'm totally gushing right now. My sister is so amazing ;A; Why can't more people like her exist??

Coming Out

Dec. 30th, 2010 02:03 am
lizfu: (Default)
I want to tell my sister about my sexuality, preferences, and (ideally) my thoughts on my gender (which I haven't discussed here, and will eventually when I can find the right words). Despite being a practicing Catholic, she's a straight ally, she's passionate about LGBT issues, and she's extremely vocal about gay rights. Honestly? The best sister a gal could have.

It's really hard coming out to her, though.

It was easy with people at work (the zoo didn't care, and my manager in my retail job is gay and we all get along enough where we can talk about our personal lives). It was easy with close friends - they were all supportive. It's not easy with my sister, who I know will be awesome about it.

I don't even know why :/

I tried telling her over the past months on a number of occasions. I'd practice what I would say in my head, I'd take deep breathes to calm myself, and then call her. I think my mistake was that when she picked up, I would ask her how she's doing, instead of saying, "Hey, I have something to tell you." She had just moved up to Minnesota for a job, she was really trying to find her place in a new community, and she was having guy troubles, so the conversations always became about her. By the end of them, I had talked myself out of telling her, because (this being me) I felt it was insignificant compared to all that she's going through.

I really want to come out to her, and I really want her to understand that I'm a 4, close to 5, on the Kinsey Scale. I want to tell her the truth about Beate (because "lover" explains everything so much better than "really good friend" and vague connotations). I want to tell her that if I choose to get married, I don't really see myself being married to a man.

I want her to know that I'm living in the closet at home, and it's harder than hell, especially since our mother is becoming increasingly homophobic. And that I really need somebody in the family to know so that I can be more open, because it's really hard to keep on pretending that I'm 100% straight and just "disinterested" in dating.
lizfu: (Sammy acknowledges your pain)
There's this documentary circulating around film festivals, and due out on DVD some time in Spring 2011. It's called Gen Silent and it's about the elderly LGBT community and all the struggles they face, even today. The trailer is amazing and heartbreaking, and you'll probably be bawling by the end of it.

After what happened to the couple in Sonoma County, CA back in April, it's important that people start paying attention to the aging LGBT community, and how our health care system and institutes (mis)treat them. Perhaps we should have been looking at this issue a lot sooner.
lizfu: (Sammy acknowledges your pain)
Hi. My name's [personal profile] lizfu, and I'm dating a girl. Her name is Beate and she's Norwegian. The relationship is long distance (EPIC long distance - Atlantic Ocean-you-may-separate-our-bodies-but-you-cannot-separate-our-hearts!Epic), which is both good and bad. Good, because we can take things slowly. Bad, because we can't actually physically interact or go on dates or do all the adorable mooshy things that couples do.

Why am I telling my dreamroll this?

Well, my girlfriend gave me an ultimatum of sorts: tell my mom that I'm dating a girl, so that when she visits, our relationship will be in the open. If I can't, then Beate offered to help me, be supportive and hold my hand, etc. Problem: I'm not sure my mom's feelings on me being in a same sex relationship. In the past, Mom's said stuff like, "I just want you to find a nice guy - or girl - and be happy" but she's also a brainwashed conservative, and as a brainwashed conservative, she buys into the whole "marriage is sacred" argument, thinks that the LGBTQ community should keep quiet about their preferences (on the flip side, she doesn't like it when heterosexual couples express their preferences either, so part of the time, I think she's just uncomfortable with people blathering on about their significant others. It's more glaring when she goes on about her own discomfort when the person "blathering" is gay), and that they should be happy with "what they've got" as far as legal rights go. I'd prefer not to come out to my mom when I'm living under her roof. This is the woman who was adamant about kicking me out if Obama won the '08 election (my stepdad talked her out of it, as well as her threat to leave him for voting Obama).

(If you're thinking, "Hey, Liz! Why not just tell your stepdad? He seems like a pretty groovy guy!", the answer's still "No." He's not a big proponent of gay rights either)

I'm really serious about this relationship, but I don't think I'm in a place right now where I'm ready to be out with my family.

Anyhow, I'm writing a coming out post because I realized that I need to start coming out. I'm dating a wonderful girl, and I want to tell people, but my fear of being out keeps me from singing it from the hills Sound of Music style. As a solution, I'm taking babysteps. [personal profile] everysecondtuesday had the honor being the first to know :) Who knows? Maybe one day, I'll work up the courage and tell my mom.
lizfu: (Sammy acknowledges your pain)
Today I lied to work, and told them that I was having engine troubles and needed to leave early for a mechanics appointment, when really, I wanted to talk to a girl online
No big deal, really, since I wasn't doing anything too pressing today, but I realized how pathetic I am at times....

Also, I finished a prompt that somebody dropped me on y-gal of Dean and Cas on an island, after their plane had crashed, a la Lost. I just have [personal profile] firedreamer's request, which was that I should draw something to make me happy.

I think I might open up prompts again next week :D
lizfu: (Knit)
Note: Posting this here on my unlocked journal, since my LJ is locked. I'm not posting this in the particular comm that I'm addressing because I feel that posting it there would generate unnecessary drama (not my intention). However, I plan on posting a link to this open letter in the comments of a post on there before I leave the comm.

* * *


Dear RBR,

I would like to think that I was there at the beginning (or at least soon after it), posting crack art from time to time and contributing to crack discussion. Over the last few months, my interests in politifandom and RPF dwindled as the last half of Battlestar Galactica's final season, my own creative endeavors, and real life drew me away. I would drop in from time to time, but I found myself lagging behind and clueless most of the time. It's the nature of the landscape of fandom to be everchanging, so I bear no bitterness. I was content as an occasional lurker; after all, it's my nature to maintain a level of detachment.

My decision shouldn't have been easy, but in light of recent events, I feel that this is necessary: RBR, I'm leaving you.

Here's the breakdown of what happened (including my role in it):

- [personal profile] everysecondtuesday posted an open letter in her Dreamwidth journal addressing what she and another fan saw as problematic with the fandom response to a 1920s and 30s AU labeled as "Noirverse". She posted several valid points on a public forum.

- I agreed with her (still do) and had additional reservations concerning the classification of anything ranging from the 20s to 30s as "noir", feeling that it was a misunderstanding of the genre/style. I also wrote that I realized that it was simply a convenient label, and even offered links to help writers (present and future) who may not understand what exactly noir is. I offered (in a later comment) to find and post articles about the problematic elements of noir once I understood that the writers wanted to attempt a series of noir stories.

- Comments to the open letter itself were at first receptive of Tuesday's points, but some of them became hostile in their own criticism of Tuesday's choice of forum.

---

Here's the thing, RBR: the hostility generated by these comments, as well as the glibness of other comments by the same people, admitting that they are going to "gloss over some things" (I'm assuming that "some things" refers to some of the problematic elements Tuesday brought up) - these attitudes have created what I feel is an unsafe environment to discuss the historical and cultural interactions of society with race, gender, and homosexuality (and vice versa). While these people have the right to object to Tuesday's public forum approach, I feel that their outrage overshadows the original intent of the open letter.

Fandom is supposed to be a safe place for all fans, no matter their race, gender, and sexuality. RaceFail '09 proved that while writers can hide behind the excuse of "creative liberties" and "alternate and/or imagined future realities" to excuse their inaccuracies and failures, they have to be aware that what they write is going to be interpreted under different lenses and has the effect of creating a hostile environment for fans of color. The same applies to fanfiction and fandom; the writers there may not be professionally published, but their works are widely read within the fan community.

As both an ally to people of color and a critic, I feel that the atmosphere and attitude created by a select few of RBR fandom in the face of the hard facts about harsh realities of the lives of the racial, gendered, and queer minorities in the 20s and 30s is detrimental to any future discussion I would have engaged in if I had chosen to stay and become more active in the community. I also feel that some of these fans demonstrated that in the face of their own bruised prides, a discussion of race, gender, and homosexuality doesn't matter; many of these particular fans were quick to shrug off what Tuesday was saying and to point out that her open letter outside of the community was "wrong." My own attempts to be helpful were likewise shrugged off by one of these fans, and ultimately, in her/his eyes, I was the one who was mistaken when it simply was a mutual misunderstanding. These behaviors deeply disturb and discourage me.

So, I'm leaving, RBR. Don't worry; you can keep the fanart. I made it for you anyway, and depriving community members of it would be childish and shallow of me. I only ask that you please respect my wishes as an artist and ask first if you want to use it for merchandise in the store or if you want to use my art for icons, banners, and other media (I doubt anybody would want to, but you never know).

Goodbye, RBR. I really did have fun while I was an active member. I sincerely hope that the community does well.

- Lizfu

PS: Please note that I have disabled comments as I do not want sympathy, apologies, attempts at explaining one's own behavior, or flames. I simply do not wish to linger on this. These are my reasons for leaving. Out of consideration for certain parties involved, I refrained from posting usernames and links to comments. If you feel uncomfortable with what I've written, then I encourage you to examine your privilege and behavior instead of taking it out on me.

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lizfu: (Default)
Liz Who?

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