Before I go into gushing, I want to preface this post with something I've been meaning to post about for, well, months: Some odd months ago, I started struggling with my sexuality, or rather, my lack thereof. I identify as gay - I like women. However, I had trouble with the "sex" part of "homosexuality". It's not that I'm afraid of sex or am grossed out by it. If that were the case, I wouldn't draw or write half the things I draw and write. Really, I'm just apathetic about it. My sex drive is merely a natural function of my body that has to be taken care of in the mornings; it's not tied to romantic or sexual feelings towards another person. I'm not celibate or abstinent. Celibacy is a personal decision stemming from (usually) religious influences. And abstinence is a misguided anti-sex education dogma of the Religious Right to discourage anybody (usually girls) from knowing anything about sex and reproductive health care. (Four formative years of Catholic school, guys, and not once did they tell us about getting monthly examinations or pap smears)
So I struggled with this idea of not being sexual, because everything around me was telling me that I had to be sexual. It's the ~*~NORM~*~. Not being sexual is fodder for jokes about virginity, celibacy, and strongly implies that only weird people aren't sexual. I have problems with this assessment, because after going through a major depressive episode for the better part of winter and early spring, I emerged with ideas about myself that I quite liked, compared to how I saw myself before. I see myself as being eccentric, and there's nothing wrong with that. So why should there be something wrong with not being sexual?
During this time, I noticed![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shirozora dropping the word "ace" around a lot on her twitter. At first, I thought she meant it as "awesome" or "top notch". This definition didn't fit with the usage, though, so I looked it up and found out that it meant "asexuality". Admittedly, I didn't really know anything about asexuality, except for its some time inclusion in the queer community, so I decided to do some research. The more I read, the more I realized that this was me. I'm gay and I'm an ace.
I've been trying to come out about this for a while now. With society's attitude towards sexuality (it doesn't matter what you are - sex HAS to be apart of your sexuality), it's been difficult to even broach the subject. I'm always afraid people will accuse me of jumping on a "trend" just to be different or just to feel special. I'm horrible at talking about my feelings, so finding the words to express how I see myself as a not-sexual being and what my sexual drive means to me is frustrating, because I never know if anybody will understand what I'm trying to tell them.
Anyhow, on to the point of this post. Back in July, I was finally able to open up to my sister about being both gay and asexual. I tried my best to explain just what asexuality entailed for me, and I like to think that she got the general idea. Today, I got a message from her on Facebook:
I'm totally gushing right now. My sister is so amazing ;A; Why can't more people like her exist??
So I struggled with this idea of not being sexual, because everything around me was telling me that I had to be sexual. It's the ~*~NORM~*~. Not being sexual is fodder for jokes about virginity, celibacy, and strongly implies that only weird people aren't sexual. I have problems with this assessment, because after going through a major depressive episode for the better part of winter and early spring, I emerged with ideas about myself that I quite liked, compared to how I saw myself before. I see myself as being eccentric, and there's nothing wrong with that. So why should there be something wrong with not being sexual?
During this time, I noticed
shirozora dropping the word "ace" around a lot on her twitter. At first, I thought she meant it as "awesome" or "top notch". This definition didn't fit with the usage, though, so I looked it up and found out that it meant "asexuality". Admittedly, I didn't really know anything about asexuality, except for its some time inclusion in the queer community, so I decided to do some research. The more I read, the more I realized that this was me. I'm gay and I'm an ace.I've been trying to come out about this for a while now. With society's attitude towards sexuality (it doesn't matter what you are - sex HAS to be apart of your sexuality), it's been difficult to even broach the subject. I'm always afraid people will accuse me of jumping on a "trend" just to be different or just to feel special. I'm horrible at talking about my feelings, so finding the words to express how I see myself as a not-sexual being and what my sexual drive means to me is frustrating, because I never know if anybody will understand what I'm trying to tell them.
Anyhow, on to the point of this post. Back in July, I was finally able to open up to my sister about being both gay and asexual. I tried my best to explain just what asexuality entailed for me, and I like to think that she got the general idea. Today, I got a message from her on Facebook:
Oh, and I want you to know that I've been doing research on asexuality. Bravo for being brave.
I'm totally gushing right now. My sister is so amazing ;A; Why can't more people like her exist??
